The Singles Special – Tater Tots, Taylor Pork Roll, Lacey Swiss and Colby Jack Grilled Cheese

Warning, this post may sound like some sort of “dear diary” thing but I’m going for it. So eff off.

For me, the worst part about breaking up with someone are the succeeding morning-afters. Maybe it’s the first split second of consciousness that happens when you wake up and roll over, only to realize that a certain someone isn’t there anymore. Or maybe it’s the lonely walk to go get coffee by yourself that makes you want to crawl in a boy-less hole and die. I’m shuddering at how emo I’m being as I write this, but dating in New York sucks. It does. And I know that I don’t normally talk about relationship stuff on this blog, but ya know what? I just turned 26 and the thought of having this blog for three years and not documenting one single failed relationship just seems like some sort of big mistake.

I’d been with this dude for a few months and things were rad. Because of him, I’d started drawing again and I really did feel this explosive wave of pubescent boy horniess creativity – which was really wonderful and super fun. I bought a sketchbook for the first time in two years and have half-way filled it up already! We even had ridiculous pet names for each other; Critter (me) and Creature (him). C’mon! Cute city USA with us as the weirdo mayors ruling our own little freak show. Most of all though, I really loved having someone to make breakfast for on the reg. He’d make the ONE cup of coffee, (which at first I thought was rude but then loved it because he said he liked splitting it with me. Goober.) and I’d scour the fridge to try to come up with the yummiest morning meal I could think of.

It’s been a few weeks now since we ended things and mornings are definitely a lot easier but let’s be honest, they still suck. Maybe it’s that I don’t like sleeping alone or that I should take down his shrunken head drawing that he made me during breakfast one morning that sits right above my light switch. Or maybe it’s the fact that we work on the same block so there’s this impending doom that lingers over me when I head to North 3rd and happen to see his cute scruffy face that doesn’t kiss mine anymore. Oh my god, I can’t believe I’m writing this. What am I doing? I’ve never been this sappy in my whole life. I’m not a Best Coast type of gal. Maybe this is why I shouldn’t write about dumb man-boys.

Anyways, let’s change topics before I make everyone throw up. To make myself feel better, I’ve been cooking up some awesome breakfasts to cope with sad sappy mornings. This one in particular has been quite the life saver. A buttery toasted crumpet, taylor pork roll, tater tots, and gooey melted colby jack get all hot and crispy together in this GC. Plunge this carb-centric sammie in some hot sauce and you won’t be thinking about anything but the flavors that are making your brain melt for at least a few minutes while you woof it down.

Here’s what you’ll need to make this break-up-and-feel-better-sandwich.


1 crumpet
1 handful of tater tots – COOKED!
3 slices of Taylor Pork Roll
3 slices of Lacey Swiss and Colby Jack
2 pats of butter
**Optional: insanely-hot hot sauce for dipping**

To begin, fry that pork right up! If you’re anything like me, being newly single means you just lost 10 pounds so you can eat what-the-hell-ever you want. Just heat your griddle to high and throw on the slabs of succulently salted swine. When it’s all crisped up, take it out of the pan but don’t clean off that grease, ya dingus. You’ll want to savor save that and use it when you’re ready to fry up your grilled cheese. Yes, we’ll be using pork fat to enhance this fat daddy. Because why not?

This is the hardest part, beyond realizing that you’re going to have to spend a lot of time slamming shots of tequila and talking to douche bags at crappy, loud bars before you find your next suitable man. Very carefully, I repeat, very carefully slice your crumpet in half. They’re really delicate, just like your emotional stability, so take your time with this step. Think of it as some sort of zenned out cutting therapy. I don’t mean like a borderline personality cutting therapy type thing, but kitchen therapy – which I think is the best thing, EVER.
Once they’re cut, use my little flipping inside out method and turn them upside down. Then pile on the cheese. Lay it down, thick. Remember, there’s nothing like getting under someone that makes getting over someone easier eating a ton of cheese to heal the heart.

Then add that taylor pork roll threesome to the top. No ruminating allowed here, keep going.

Top it with some crispy tater tots and smash them with your fork. This is the cathartic part, believe me. And you won’t look like these idiots if you do it my way.

Place the other piece of the crumpet back on top and take a second to look at the beautiful creation you just made. Pat yourself on the back, put on some red lipstick, and blast some Bikini Kill. Remember, don’t waste your time crying over a man-boy. As my friend/co-worker/unintentional therapist Leanne, put it “What would Kathleen Hanna do?”. Go with that mentality for as long as you can, just don’t go all Lorena Bobbitt with it. And definitely don’t play any Best Coast. Don’t do it. Actually, just delete it off your iTunes now.

Something happened when I was doing this shoot and I forgot to take pictures of it grilling. Maybe it was the moment when I realized how freaked out my roommates were when they saw me dancing around my kitchen with a butcher knife and spatula, blasting some overly loud fem-punk.Β 
But basically you’ll put some butter in the skillet and turn the burner to medium. Let it cook for a few minutes until the cheese starts to splurge out of the crumpet holes and creates a nice cheesy crust. So good. When it’s ready to flip, do it super gingerly. There were a couple disasters that happened when I was testing this recipe, but even if they fail and fall apart (God, is everything an analogy in this post?) they’ll still be delicious afterward.

When it’s done let it sit for a few minutes and then sop it up with some super spicy hot sauce and dig in. Enjoy the burn. It’ll make you appreciate your next relationship bite a lot more.




  1. Gosh! Breaking up sucks (at first). Eventually you have that *one* morning where you wake up and instead of feeling sad you just feel FREE and AWESOME! Ready to take on the world. You'll get back to that eventually. Until then – this sammy looks super delicious. I was thrilled a few months ago to discover I could now purchase Taylors Pork Roll in Oregon. Such a yummy, salty, porky treat! I like mine extra crispy.
    P.S. One cup of coffee? Totally rude, girlfriend. πŸ˜‰


  2. I think you are so brave to talk about this on your blog. It is totally a universal experience. Hang in there! You will find an even more awesome person who is worthy of sharing your amazing creations. πŸ™‚


  3. Thanks for sharing! Even though this is your blog I feel like I should tell you – you're always welcome to share here! Positive vibes your way. The right one is out there!


  4. It's your blog and you can cry/vent/rant if you want to. God bless tater tots and cheese. How do you ever come up with these sandwiches? You are brilliant and don't ever let anyone make you think differently.


  5. MacKenzie,
    Your blog is awesome! I would gladly slave over my tiny Mr.Coffee espresso machine for 20 minutes to make you the perfect morning beverage. You deserve it (especially if you are making breakfast). Thanks for all of the great food ideas, you are truly an inspiration. Keep your head up.

    A fan with a huge crush


  6. This looks delish, as always. 3 things to share with you:

    1. Taylor Ham is scientifically proven to heal emotional pain.
    2. Hang in there. Every day gets a little better than the last.
    3. I agree that you should avoid Best Coast for a while. Also, under no circumstances should you listen to John Mayer or Sufjan Stevens.


  7. That was so brave of you. The world needs your candor, your spontaneity, your strength. The world needs to hear that people go in and out of relationships, but some people still have the courage to move on and start anew. I know you'll get through this…gracefully. You rock, girl! Hugs!
    Myfudo here…Normally we'd never put a shameless plug back to us, but we just launched our new site and we would love for you to be a part of it. I'd love to share our newest launch with you, I hope you don't mind? Now that we are getting a new look…Myfudo is moving to a new domain This has been a project we have been working on for almost a year now. We just launched our new gallery submission site, and we are just thrilled. We’d be proud to have your work as part of our growing collection to continue to have a larger reach and further inspire all fellow food lovers out there! Please sign up and check us out (it's free)
    We look forward to seeing your wonderful pictures, as always.
    p.s. We are hosting a Kitchen Aid Mixer Giveaway to celebrate our new Yumgoggle site, we hope you'll participate =)


  8. That was a great read! Kinda reminds me of the movie, “Waitress.” But, grilled cheese is always better than pie! So sorry about your break-up. Look at the positives, like how you're drawing again! Take it from one who had a bad break up two years ago and went on a mission to have fun with her life! No regrets for having chosen to enjoy things on my own! Just keep making those delish grilled cheese concoctions, writing, and drawing. And when you're walking down North 3rd and a familiar face pops up, just hold your head high and keep walking. Maybe shoot a smile his way, but only out of your self-confidence in knowing he's not the one for you. πŸ™‚


  9. Man that looks good! And I love the way you wove the breakup story throughout the cooking narrative. You're one damned good writer! Sorry you're going through a breakup, that's never fun. If I were 20 years younger, and single, I'd be on a plane up to NYC in a heart beat!


  10. Others have already said it, but generally, thank you for sharing something so personal with us readers. I love your site and get excited every time a new post appears. This one only reaffirmed my love for Grilled Cheese Social πŸ™‚ And duh, we've all been there, none of us think you're being overly sappy, nostalgic, or emo- just real. I have a couple bands I still can't listen to, haha. Oh boys. Keep makin these awesome sandwiches chica, and can't wait to read about your next creation!


  11. I can identify with your feelings, it is hard, I know. I want to say all the things people say, like, hang in there, it'll be ok, but somehow they don't cut it. This is a hard time, BUT, it will pass in time. One day at a time.


  12. My heart goes out to you! I lived in NYC for 6 years and had some of the worst dating experiences in my life. Saying dating in NYC is hard is a complete understatement. The upside – the abundance of good food allows you to enjoy the process of eating your emotions πŸ™‚ If you are ever in the east village, you should def check out the grilled cheese at Bua. It's simple but amazing. The drinks and awesome bartenders are just an added bonus.

    p/s I eventually moved to the Best Coast. Dating is a whole lot more awesome here


  13. First, I might recommend the wisdom of Neil Sedaka, in his song “Breaking Up Is Hard To Do.” But be sure to listen to his good version. That would be his first version of the song, which he recorded in 1962, and not the sucky version from 1975.

    Second, you might need a change of venue. I might recommend Louisville, because a restaurant opened a couple of months ago that I think you would really love. It's called Tom+Chee, and you will love the menu:


  14. this is the funniest thing i have read in a looong time. completely relatable in the best way possible, plus there's a grilled cheese waiting at the end. the. best. ever.


  15. Just found your blog via Pinterest. Where have you been my whole cheese-obsessed life?

    May I recommend Bratmobile's “Pottymouth.” Hands down one of my fave albums, particularly during break up times. Also, 7 Year Bitch's “Viva Zapata.”

    Chin up, and try the Seeduction bread at Whole Foods. It, plus the above albums, has gotten me through some tough times.


  16. You are great in every way. I'm currently experiencing a very similar type of same-exact-thing, and having forgotten to check GCS for a while, I was weirdly comforted to happen across this post in the midst of my sad eating-and-looking-at-pictures-of-food. Thank you for reminding me that tater tots pair well with anything and everything.


  17. How am I just now finding your blog? Have I been living under a rock? (Actually, I'm a mom with an overactive toddler and a newborn…living under a rock sounds like a freaking vacation right now!) You are awesome. I love your creativity–both in your writing and in the kitchen.


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